Cornfed and Mustachioed

Minneapolis, Minnesota

My two favourite words are cornfed and mustachioed, and I suppose that this is in no small part due to the fact that I come from Minnesota, the land of corn and mustaches. Seriously. A common touchstone in conversations I've had this week with my extended family, who farm, has been this year's harvest. Apparently the corn is ready to be harvested, but it has been far too wet out as of late to get it. So farmers must wait for the corn to dry and pray that it doesn't mould before this happens, lest they lose their entire crop. The minute the corn is dry enough, they go and get 'er done. Thanksgiving has most likely been canceled this year in my family because of this and really, what is the point of celebrating harvest when harvest is exactly what you're trying to do? Midwesterner for life.

So I've now been in Minnesota for over a week and I'm set to leave in two days. I'm ready to start making money again and to start, you know, doing stuff.. As an example, if I could condense what it means to be in Minnesota down to one word, that word would be 'food.' So, so, so much food. My mom will be sitting in the living room with me, I'll be reading, watching tv, whatever, and she'll randomly quip, "We've still got a bunch of pea salad in the fridge if you're interested..." or "There's a piece of grandma's chocolate cake left.." or "Ohhh, I should have bought another tub of that chip dip you really like!" These statements will be made mere minutes after I've oh, say, eaten a Subway sandwich. Speaking of Subway sandwiches, Mom and I went out to get a couple on my first night in town. While we were there ordering, my mom asked me if I wanted to get some chocolate chip cookies with my sandwich. I declined. Mom insisted, stating that we have no sweets in the house. I told her that it wasn't a big deal, so we went home, subs in tow. What is the first thing I saw upon entering the house? A gigantic bowl of Halloween candy in the middle of the dining room. I asked my mom, "I thought you said you had no sweets?" Her reply was that this was candy for Halloween, she and dad had already gone through a bag, and needed to go out and replace it. So apparently Halloween lasts a good week here at the Beers residence and Halloween candy does not count as sweets. The moral of the story of course is that I've been a happy snacker. But, in consequence I feel more blob than human right now. I'm itching to rectify that. I do love that chip dip though - Old Home Bermuda Onion. If you live in Minnesota or are ever just passing through, give it a go. You will have met my meanest vice.

Being in Minnesota also means Lindsey, my oldest friend. We get together and the happy dorkiness starts. The many adventures we went on this week included but were not limited to rollercoaster rides, Summit English Pale Ales, visits to polka bars, movies, visits to record stores (that ended up with me purchasing records...why? to carry across the globe with me, I guess...I suppose a JFK memorial album is always good to have), shopping at the the Mall of America, the eating of pizza delivered by men dressed as super heroes, yummy breakfasts, and soul-singer cab rides. And M. Ward. Live. Well, actually Monsters of Folk, but, well..a word of advice: If you ever, ever get the chance to see M. Ward play live, take it. You will not be disappointed.

Lastly, my gluttony for travel may have reached its zenith. I've just realized that my new employer offers a 66-day cruise that circumnavigates the entire arctic. That's right. The entire arctic. It starts in Anchorage, Alaska, sails the northern coast of Russia, down and around Greenland, past Baffin Island, through the Northwest Passage, and back down to Anchorage. A passenger who wants to partake will pay a minimum of $65,990. Whoooaaaaa. You know I want this job. It's just ridiculous.

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps.